i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I could fuck to npr.
Randomize
