I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
