Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
