I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
