woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
