You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
