Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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