Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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