All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
