Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
