I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
