that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
im holly from the hills drunk
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
