Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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