I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
