I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Is it because I queefed?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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