i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
