You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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