just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
did i just pee glitter
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