Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
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