you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
