Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
