i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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