If i come over, it means nothing
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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