News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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