btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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