We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
