Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
