I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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