Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
