There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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