yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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