what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
