It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Why is there bacon in the couch?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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