I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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