On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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