I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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