just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
