No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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