C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
