someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
