I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
