At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize