Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
