Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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