dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
