I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
