I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
