ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Randomize