I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
