So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
