So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
