also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
