Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Did I show you my penis last night?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Help. Why am I so naked?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
