he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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