i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
3 2 1 whiskey
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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