So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
