Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize