1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
