she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
