Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
