I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
