I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
