I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
