batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
