What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Randomize
