I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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