i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
