Its about making memories worth repressing
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
