I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
