I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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