Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
